it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
