Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
