Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
