I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
