you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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