Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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