Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
