alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
