It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Found your dick twin last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
