Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
