i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
