I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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