please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
