Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
