She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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