Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
