If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
