people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
