So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
