i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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