Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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