he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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