you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
