Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
