Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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