What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
