I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize