that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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