Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
