let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
