I wish my penis had an off switch
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
