i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize