I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
nutella sex= disaster
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
