I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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