she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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