I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
