Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
