haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
