my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
