My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
