Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
