I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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