Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
