The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
