Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
