i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
