I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
