a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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