EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize