apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
