WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
