Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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