I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
