Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
