I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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