Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
