why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Randomize
