I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
