we made out on top of his cat.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
