dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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