I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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