So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
