So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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