Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
