So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize