my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
