you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
