U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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