i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How naked do you want me to be?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
