i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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