do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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