I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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