If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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