just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
