This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
