..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
