I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize