I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
