Umm I'm too high to move.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
