I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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