I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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