you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
