I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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