I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize