the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
