some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
