Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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