I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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