Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
