We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
