if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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