i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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