They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
