Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
