Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
